Becoming a Death Doula
I have always enjoyed juggling various projects and mediums. At the time of my discovery of my possible role as a death doula, I was in one of those places in my life searching for more meaning from my work. Currently working as an agency model, a surface designer and illustrator…I still felt drawn to helping people in need. I have always jumped at the opportunity to help others and have held several fundraisers to help aid those in need for various causes. Over the last few years, my attempts at raising funds through selling art designed for the causes have flopped. My fundraisers had gone nowhere. Try as I might, this wasn’t going to be the way I would be able to help people anymore, and it was leaving me feeling powerless and sad. Still, I felt the pull to help others in their time of need.
I started my art/design brand 5 years ago…naming it Ahh Sweet Death. The inspiration came from a phrase, “Ahh, the sweet release of death.” The very first painting I was inspired to make was that of a sweet femme Grim Reaper, holding a bundle of daisies and smiling. She was my inspiration and came from my love of the figure Grim Reaper, the angel of death. I’ve often felt that Death as a figure is misunderstood, that they are not a scary or bad omen in attendance…but that they are an angel coming to comfort and guide you to the other side. This is an opinion I have had for many years of my life, and I firmly stand by it, in solidarity, with the Grim Reaper.
What does this have to do with how I stumbled back into Death Care you ask? Well during a very heavy planetary shift and a contemplative crossroads of a week…I began to think about how my love and respect for the Grim Reaper maybe had something to do with a job I would have in my own afterlife. I don’t actually know if there is an afterlife…but this is the job I’d apply for if so. Does it speak to me because of my own experiences with grief and the lack of support I was able to find as well as my loved ones who had died? Am I drawn to Death Work because I’ve had conversations with friends and strangers in grieving who felt like speaking of grief was a burden meant to be carried in solitude, yet I wanted them to express it and help lift it from their shoulders so they wouldn’t feel so alone? Dying is as much a part of life as birth. It’s going to happen to us all. I’d like to help others feel less alone when their time comes.Have you ever watched Dead Like Me? Kind of like that. Maybe all this advocacy and caring was preparing me for my own afterlife as an Angel of Death. What an honor, to be by someone’s side at their final breath, and walk them to their destination all while comforting them and letting them process whatever feels necessary in the moment. I think having a friend who doesn’t fear grief & emotional processing at a time when we need it most seems like a pretty important and honorable role to me. There is so much stigma around Death Positivity because most Americans aren’t taught to prepare for it. We don’t openly talk about Death because maybe we feel it’s best to avoid such a taboo subject. I’m not that friend, and I will openly talk about your mortality and your wishes and hopes surrounding it. Yep! I’m meant to help people prepare for and support the process of their death.
I thought about this as I was walking through Brooklyn one morning with my coffee. Without even realizing it…I was sending a work request out into the Universe. I never talked to anyone about that conversation/epiphany I had in my head that morning…but the universe heard it. I feel like maybe it also told my phone because then for the rest of the day…the subject of Death Doulas kept showing up in my feed. Now, it’s not that surprising, considering I follow many death care workers on social media and I myself am death positive. But why suddenly that specific subject? I jumped into an article and buckled my seatbelt. The ride had begun.
When I say I stumbled back in again to the possibility of death care, I mean I had wanted to go to school for Mortuary Science. I was looking into schools and interviewing as a Cremation Technician, and I realized this may not be the type of death care I was equipped to handle. I could explain all of that, but it would take too long. So, I stepped away and continued to follow the work of others, still feeling called to it but not sure why. Not until that fateful week when I realized I could be doing the job I believe I will do in my afterlife well in my living life. Not quite the same, I won’t be guiding anyone while I’m alive to any mystical place post death but will make sure they can be ready before they cross-over. If that makes sense?
So, I began my studies. I began reading every book I could get my hands on about working as a death doula I devoured books on; green funerals, pre-death care and preparation, cultural norms for processing death and rituals (although this has been an interest of mine since college: I was a cultural anthropology major my second year of college and studied death and dying.) I am currently also researching Swedish Death Cleaning, as it is something I’ve already kind of been doing without realizing it myself. Let me tell you…I LOVE decluttering, organizing, repurposing, etc. I think that my interior design degree would also fit well into this department of death work. This will likely be the first part of my services offered while I’m in school for certification, which doesn’t start until August. I am enrolled at DDLA remotely, and currently in the network where I can discuss, ask questions, and watch videos & lectures on related subjects until my program starts.
As a mother of three, I realize that I already have a lot on my plate. So where do I find balance for myself and my life? I didn’t make it a priority to take care of my body, soul, and mental health all at the same time until the last few years. Self care is SO important, and I believe that if we can learn to listen to our bodies and set boundaries within reason of what we can and can’t take on…we can and we do find that balance. One of the benefits of working as a Death Doula is the capability to choose how much you take on, and how many clients. As I mentioned earlier, my schedule is already all over the place because of being a freelance designer and also having to take last minute bookings for work. What I’ve learned is though you may get busy, prioritizing time off for spending quality time with your children is important. I believe you can find balance but it’s important to make sure you are also taking the best care of your body and mind in whatever way feels authentic to you.
About Lauren:
Lauren says she can’t wait to start working with clients and is hoping to volunteer while learning. She is currently offering Swedish Death Cleaning Services and you can find info about that here.
You can reach out to Lauren with questions at laurenseeley81@yahoo.com or follow her on social media @ahhsweetdeath